green eyes.

i want to write.
i want to study art.

i want to move
to the city
and live in a cozy apartment
and take lots of pictures
and capture the souls
of artists
and hookers and
runaway kids
and the barista
with the red glasses.

& maybe someday
my work will end up in
an art show at the local
coffeehouse where all
the hipsters go

and someone will ask who
my biggest inspiration was
& i'll remember
last winter when
i didn't think
i'd live to see 23

but you saved me with
brown hair and dimples
and
green eyes.

& i'll give some speech
about
victory and Dadaism and
see you across the room
sipping coffee in your
blue jacket and i'll
smile and say

thank you.

XO.

i never knew how

bitter my coffee was

until i ran out of cream

& sugar.

or green the grass was

until indian summer came

or how deep

the ocean was until i lost

sight of the shore

or how dark the night was

until the moon & stars

hid behind the midnight

clouds.

& i never knew how much

i missed loved you until

you left my arms

were gone.

honey & rain.

hey guys; sincerest apologies for the hiatus, the winds of change have been pretty turbulent. as a sort of throwback thursday, allow me to backtrack & retrospect - bonus #tbt points since i'm writing this at my alma mater:

• congratulations to nick's grill on their one-year anniversary in danvegas; they are some of the kindest & most hardworking local business owners in the city. 
• my friend amber & i took a road-trip to ol' reidsville and i got the experience of being on the other side of the lens and seeing the world from the other side.
• on august 6^th i celebrated my dan-niversary; for one year now, i've been living la vida danville. in my year here, i have grown and changed as a Christian, a writer, a photographer & a friend. i've climbed mountains and valleys and have tread rivers & lakes but all-in-all i've developed a sense of who i am. i am grateful for my friends, current & former, for averett and the Y for being a home & for the dan river year program and my current job for being the bridge to take me where i really want to go in life. it saddens me to leave this town in the next few months but my memories and experiences here will make great stories in RVA.
• speaking of the Y, i'm back there part-time; it feels great to be back home!  
• i've started a forty-day devotion, entitled, "40 Days to Lasting Change: An AHA Challenge" by Kyle Idleman; check it out. i've seen MAJOR changes. 
• there was an opening for a reporting job in chatham, virginia for a local newspaper. i was interviewed & submitted my samples but i turned the job down. i walked away from a chance to pursue my job (& i'm okay with it.) i'm hoping to live in danvegas for about four more months. as much as i am irritated by my banking job, i cannot lose my integrity. more doors will open and opportunities will come. God's plan outdoes our plan 10,000 to 1. 
• shoutout to one of my best-friends & my hippie counterpart since highschool, elizabeth for turning twenty-two and for preparing to volunteer for the friend's peace house for the next eleven months. best of luck, sending love & light! 
• i had the honor of being in the wedding of my two of my best-friends, jude and lesley; congrats you guys, love you both and i continue being a third-wheel. #coleswansonwedding #swole 
• while at the wedding, i managed to make peace with an old friend and bury the hatchet of an old quarrel

• this past weekend i got to visit my all-time favorite city as i helped my brother move into his dorm at VCU; best of luck to him & my other little brother adrian was they both began their freshman year of college. 
• and finally, there's a new locally owned & ran coffee shop in town, brewed awakening;
  hipsters of danvegas & all over rejoice.  

 

anxiety.

maybe sometimes
you're sitting in a coffee-shop
reading your favourite book

& you see an old friend
or a father with his son
when suddenly an anchor
falls on your chest,

& you think about
the cities you haven't seen
and the people you haven't
kissed

and where you might be
at the age of twenty-three.

but your brother still loves you
& earth and saturn have
yet to collide.

you've made it this far
and you have roads to go.


you're gonna be fine, kid.
take a breath.

your coffee's getting cold.

existentialism.

what if i would have never said hello?
what if we never became friends?

what if i didn't learn your favorite bands
or your favorite books

or where you
wanted to be ten years from now?

what if i didn't get sad? what if i
didn't push you away?

i'm sorry.

what if i didn't get better & you
didn't leave?

would things still be the same?

Twenty-one things you should do while you're a twentysomething.

• Discover who you are. You are your hopes and dreams, your fears and your nightmares. You are your stumbles and falls and the laugh who share with your mom. You are your sleepy eyes at three in the morning and the ambition you get from your dad. You are your passion and your heart and it will lead you to your destiny.
• Build your support system. Surround yourself with people have the same creative quest as you and fully accept your vision.
• Purge your social circle. Everyone is not your friend and sometimes friendships end. We all have different schedules; true friends understand and adjust. The average person has three to seven close friends. Start evaluating. 
• Develop a healthy relationship with your parents. Because at the end of the hurricane we call our twenties, we'll discover that our family has been our anchor.
• Travel. "How can I travel when I have like two dollars in my pocket?" Start small. Check out some small towns or neighboring cities as day trips. and as time and money allows, branch out. Traveling isn't always about going to some far away place. It's about experiencing something new.  
• Keep learning & try new things. Even if you've graduated, take a class. learn a new instrument. Take up a new hobby. anything to keep your brain going.
• Build your resume/portfolio. Edit (or create) your resume. Include educational updates, any job/volunteer experience, any honors/skills/certificates, etc.
• Develop a healthy lifestyle. The lifestyle you create in your twenties is the lifestyle you'll carry on for the rest of your life. So go easy on the pizza and beer and consider water and a gym membership.
• Give back & volunteer. Destroy the stereotype that Gen-Y is entitled. Volunteer at a hospital or a nursing home or a local event. Read to a group of preschoolers. anything to express gratitude to your community. 
• Get experience. Shadow somebody. Visit your dream job. Talk to someone in the field you are interested in. Because the smallest spark of interest can set your world ablaze.
• Clean up your online life. Trash the profanity and the drunk photos and the twerk videos. Or at least establish a professional profile. I've learned that employers really do check out your online life.
• Grow in your faith. We all believe in something,
• Plan out your life. The cursed words for a twentysomething. Breathe, guys. Decide your absolute dream job (if you don't know, find your passion. if you don't have one, well you've got some soul searching to do.) Figure out the costs, time and preparation it takes to get there. Write it down and boom, you have your life.
• Simplify. Remove any unnecessary clutter from your life, physical or mental. clothes, books, people. if you haven't used it in the past three to six months, trash it.
• Learn to cook. [http://www.buzzfeed.com/emofly/foods-everyone-should-learn-to-cook#.vhbKvk6Ww] You're welcome, friends.
• Improve your wardrobe. We're adults now. T-shirts and jeans aren't gonna cut it. Invest in at least five pairs of dress pants and dress shirts. (You can never go wrong with black, white, navy, brown and gray.)
• Decide what you want relationship-wise. If you want to be single, be single. If you want a relationship, give it your all. If you want a fling, make sure it's mutual.
• Practice forgiveness. The past is the past. It has made you who you are. Love & forgive others. Love & forgive yourself.
• Remember your roots. Visit your hometown and remember where your story began.
• Thank your influences. We are who we are because of the people and things we've encountered. Let them know that. 
• Tell your story. Today, seven million people will experience the world in a different way. How will yours go?